The Leftovers – Part 3


Later that night, the boat was in the middle of the lake, and Jesus was alone on land. Jesus saw the disciples straining at the oars, because the wind was against them. Shortly before dawn, He went out to them, walking on the lake. He was about to pass by them, but when they saw Him walking on the lake, they thought He was a ghost. They cried out, because they all saw Him and were terrified.

Mark 6:47-49


Basically the disciples are freaking out in the storm. I don’t know how to put it any other way – they were freaking out. The storm was more than they could handle. Sometimes I have the same feeling, but to tell you the truth, I am not afraid anymore.

I was looking for some information on hell – why not – and I stumbled upon the concept of the afterlife from the Jewish perspective. I am still planning on writing about that, but something struck me. For Jewish people, this life is more important than the next. Heaven and Hell are not mentioned specifically in the Five Books of Moses (The Torah), but only in the books of the Prophets, the Writings, and the Talmud.

Why is the afterlife absent form the Torah if it is such a crucial part of Jewish philosophy? Heaven is not discussed in the Torah to emphasize that Jews do what’s right because it’s right. As simple as that.

We are not meant to dwell on the reward and punishment that awaits us in the next world. I can be a “righteous” person my whole life, do every single commandment, stop hunger, bring about world peace, save the ozone and cure all diseases. I can go to church every single Sunday, pray in the name of Jesus, and give my money to the poor – but if I did it all for a reward in the next world – I have lived a selfish life.

A story is told of a Jew who gave away his portion in the World to Come in order to rescue a kidnapped family being held for ransom. When asked why he was not sad over losing his place in Heaven, he responded, “I was always concerned that I was serving God for the wrong reasons. Now that I don’t have a portion in the World to Come I can serve Him reassured that I am doing it purely out of love and devotion.”

This is true service of God. God will judge our actions as well as our motives.

Even from the Muslim perspective, I found a poem from a Sufi poet. My Christian friends: You should know Sufi Muslims are the Charismatic Muslims. They are the Mystical Muslims. I met a Sufi Muslim in Delhi, and we had a wonderful conversation, I will write about that too – as God allows me. Sufis do not constitute a separate sect of Islam (as do, for example, the Shi’ites), but can be found within both the Sunni and Shi’a sects. All Sufis stress the supreme importance of religious experience, and distinguish themselves among other Muslims by their insistence that experience of God can be achieved in this life.


O my Lord, if I worship you

by Sufi Rabi’a Al-‘Adawiyya

O my Lord,

if I worship You
from fear of hell, burn me in hell.

If I worship You
from hope of Paradise, bar me from its gates.

But if I worship You
for Yourself alone, grant me then the beauty of your Face.


I think that the more I see the world, the more I want to follow Jesus. And don’t misunderstand what I mean by that. Does that mean I believe Jesus is God? Or that He died for my sins? Or that He was crucified? I don’t have the answer to those questions as of now. But I will continue to hold on to His teachings. It’s like a marriage, you know. If Jesus is indeed who the Bible portrays Him to be, I have been betrothed. I am a Bride waiting for my Bridegroom. Would I dump my husband because He is not coming back just yet? Would you dump your wife just because someone told you they saw her with another man? Would I get a formal divorce because I heard rumors of my Bridegroom not being the person I have thought Him to be after all these years? No. Of course not.

When you have marriage problems, you deal with your own problems as a couple. You fight, and wrestle with each other, until things become clearer. You stay there if you really love each other because marriage is sacred in the eyes of God. You try, and keep on trying, because when you married your spouse you made a promise to God. That is what marriage is for me – commitment. For better or for worse.

If Jesus is the Savior- if He is the Savior of the world- then nobody can snatch me out of His hand. Nothing spiritually evil can touch me. My body, you can kill it if you give me a poisoned red velvet cupcake – but not my soul. Nothing will be able to separate from the love of God. Not death, not life, not angels, not demons, not things present, not things to come, not any powers, not height, not depth, not any other created thing (call it human beings, jinns or Shaytan himself), will be able to separate me from the love of God which is in Jesus the Messiah.

Isn’t that awesome? That if Jesus is the real deal, then the love of God for somebody can be so wide and long and high and deep that God is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think. And that this love surpasses human wisdom, knowledge or human understanding – because it doesn’t make sense that God could love this much! And that by knowing this love, you might actually be filled with the fullness of God.

If someone misguided me to worship Jesus – the church or a pastor – then I will deal with that. Not alone, but with YAHWEH who knows it all. I hope my blog helps other people to see this fearless faith – even if you don’t agree with it.

The Christian faith is NOT just a blind leap in the dark, you know, like you are gonna run to the end of the cliff hoping there’s something there to catch you. No. The Christian faith is also rational. 


Faith is trusting what we have good reason to believe is true. It provides us EVIDENCE that appeals to our minds. The Christian faith is not an ALL or NOTHING proposition. You don’t have to be TOTALLY CERTAIN or else, you have NO FAITH AT ALL. That is not the faith that Jesus talked about…

– Rich Nathan


This has been my struggle. But what if Jesus saw His disciples in the storm and thought, “I wish you would just look down in the boat, ’cause you’ve got your sack full of broken pieces…”

They had the evidence for the miracle of feeding fifteen thousand people. They had just witnessed it, but they were focusing on the storm. In the middle of my own storm, I should not focus on my circumstances. I will focus on the things that Jesus has done for me before. I will take my basket full of broken pieces into the storm of tomorrow. The same God who was with me back in the storms of yesterday is the same God who is with me in the storms of today. The same God who brought me to where I am now is the same God who will get me through this.

Jesus climbed into the boat with them, and told them DO NOT BE AFRAID.

There have been times when I have asked God who He really is with only a Bible in my hand. I have also done that with only a Quran in my hand. Was He Allah as revealed in the Bible? Without corruption theories… Or was He Allah as written in the Quran? With Quran as the final revelation?

My Muslimah has been so faithful praying for me through all this. She prayed something called Istikhara in my behalf. In love, she asked Allah to guide me. After finding out what Allah had revealed to her, I asked God to reveal to ME who He really was – Bible and Quran side by side. I am thinking that If Allah gave HER an answer in my behalf, then Allah would have to give ME the same answer. Otherwise, we were not talking to the same Divine Being.

Call me crazy, but on my own prayer time, Allah guided me to the same account in both Quran and the Bible. The account of Judah as he offers himself to protect Benjamin during the famine in Egypt. The accounts are SO different in both books and Judah WAS NOT a mere coincidence for me. God did not lie with His revelation to my friend. He was so truthful with His guidance to me as well. In His loving character, and being faithful to Himself, Allah showed me the two paths.

And I chose the LION OF JUDAH.

Meet the dissector…

I have to believe that there are people around the world who are actually looking for God with all their hearts. I don’t know exactly why they are looking for Him, but the reasons might be many: they need answers to their questions, they need help… I don’t know. Probably there is something that prompts them to believe in the superiority of that divine being.

I was NOT one of those people. I surrendered my life to Christ, saw the light, accepted Jesus in my heart (or whatever you wanna call it) without actively looking for it. All the phrases I mentioned are ways a Christian describe the moment they are born again. So yes, I am a born-again person. I guess as the blog progresses, I will have more opportunities to explain what that means personally in my life – as a woman, wife and mother.

I do not like calling myself a Christian, though. The reasons behind that are too many. Eventually I’ll talk about it, too. But technically I am a Christian. Around eight years ago I believed for the first time in my life that God loved me for who I was. I heard a message of hope, and the message was clear: You are exhausted of trying to figure life out on your own. Come to me, and I will help you. 


Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

– Matthew 11:28-30 


I always heard about Jesus. Always. I was raised in a Mexican Catholic family. But I only bore the name Christian. That’s as far as I went. I never went to church. I prayed, but rarely. Then in college, as I was doing my BSc in Chemistry and Biology, I just refused to believe in the existence of a God who created everything around me. Science was my god. It didn’t solve my pain, but it was amazing to research life, analyze theories, and read papers trying to explain many academic affairs.

I like asking questions. I like wondering about the what ifs of situations. I am an over thinker. That’s who I am. And using my brain can be counterproductive many times because then I have a difficult time sleeping, but I actually enjoy doing it – thinking. At times I build up so many spider webs in my head regarding different issues that I literally get headaches. And so, I guess that is the reason I write.

Writing has become a way of letting go of the built up pressure. When I write, it feels like I channel the energy from my brain to my words. If I am able to get people to understand what I try to convey, then I have de-tangled the spider webs. I have clarity. Communicating my thoughts effectively, whether people agree or not with what I said, is a battle I have won. I have won because the pressure in my head is gone.

So let me be perfectly loud and clear: Eight years ago I accepted de deity of Christ on FAITH ALONE. I believed that I could have a relationship with God in heaven – the God of Israel, the God of the Jewish Nation – if only I repented from my sin, asked for His forgiveness and asked Him to come into my life. He had come to rescue me. This God loved me so much He had died for me. He himself had paid the price for my sin.

He was a Holy God. I was separated from Him. I felt separated from Him. I won’t go right now into heaven and hell and what Christians believe (of course I will go there later). But whatever I heard about heaven and hell did not really matter to me. Islam has eternal hell for non-Muslims. Judaism has temporary Sheol for the unrighteous – pretty much everybody. Christianity has its concept, too. But I didn’t care about hell. I was probably going to go there anyway, and I knew it.

Fear of hell was not my motivation for following the God of Israel. It was the love that the God of Israel had for me what made me love him back. He loved me first. And that kind of unconditional love was only understood by me when I heard about Jesus.


I was desolate. But if the Kingdom of God that Jesus taught was real, I wanted in. I wanted that kind of love. I was in desperate need of that unconditional love.


The hope that I was given in Jesus was better than all the hopes I had heard of. But to say that now seems unfair because the truth is that I had never been given any other kind of hope. Nor I had heard other possible explanations to the TRUTH – whatever the truth was. I had never heard of Islam or what it teaches, or Hinduism, or whatever else were options for having God answering my prayers or make sense of my life.

But things are different now. Things have changed… I am not in the Christian bubble I was before, and I have befriended Muslims and Hindus. They are awesome people. All the people I have met are basically good people. I talk about these things, not with everybody, but I do talk. And I think a lot. I think about whether the Bible is corrupted, or if the apostle Paul made up the divinity of Jesus. I wonder whether Jesus was only a man, a great prophet – but not God – like Islam portrays him. Or maybe he was actually a false prophet since he didn’t fulfill all the Messianic prophesies the Jews were expecting – like Judaism portrays him.

Did Jesus existed at all? There are Jews who claim he never existed. Other Jewish sources claimed he was actually hung. The Quran denies all this. The Bible warns against false prophets who come after Jesus. Islam proclaims Muhammad as the ultimate Prophet and proclaims God’s rejection of the Jews and the Christians.

And here I am reading all this and saying, “Whaaat the heck is happening, people?!”

These are the things that my brain drools over. I cannot deny the fact that Jesus is  a very touchy subject among people, and for the past six months I have read a lot. And I have spent hours researching websites, watching YouTube debates, gathering a lot of information… But seriously, my brain wants a break. I only think, and think, and think, but I haven’t written about it.

I am questioning Jesus lately, like, a lot. I guess this blog is my way of sharing with the world what I have been studying. Seriously, not all the people care about spiritual issues, but I believe that the people who might care deserve an organized version of my thoughts. My friends might want to know what I’ve been learning, and one day I would like to go back and read this again.

There are people looking actively for God. I remember a guy who came to church one day as we were leading an Alpha Course that explained the basics of Christianity. He said he knew he needed God in his life. He was exploring different faiths, and was willing to commit to one. He wanted to hear the Christians out. I tell you, there are people actively looking for answers.

I consider this a trial in my life. I enjoy thinking. I also dread it. Thinking constantly about my faith and other faiths is making me question my own beliefs. But I know who God is. I have experienced His love. I have experienced freedom. I have experienced fellowship with God. And that might sound like a very Christian thing to say, and maybe it is, but it is real. It has changed my life. God is my ALL.


Some people think that faith is believing something that you know is not true. But I think that faith means believing in something that has a lot of evidence to back it up even tough you cannot prove it scientifically.

– Jeff Wilcox


In eight years, I had never questioned Christianity. I had never questioned the deity of Jesus. I had faith – blind faith. But now I need evidence to back it up. I want to be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks me to give them the reason for the hope that I have.

That’s why I’m dissecting Jesus.